Social Skills Bootcamp (Tips for teaching social skills)

If preschool hasn’t started for your kids yet, it most likely will sometime during the next couple of weeks.  It’s time for a crash course in social skills.

Preschoolers love to be around other kids and enjoy making friends.  They are naturally social at this age (even those who have a tendency toward shy behaviors; they need more time to warm up and join in).  The only problem is that they don’t always have the skills necessary to nurture those blossoming friendships.  Real world analysis:  They bicker.  A lot.

Preschoolers come to school with varying levels of social and emotional development.  While one child might move seamlessly through different groups of kids and share without issue, another might be fixated on just one kid and throw a tantrum when he has to give up the toy.  Social skill acquisition takes time.  And practice.

The good news is that a lot of this practicing can be done at home.  We are often led to believe that best place to practice social skills is in a social environment.  While kids do need social interaction with other kids to gain real world experience, it can be hard to learn a new skill in the heat of battle.  Practicing a few skills in the safety and comfort of a child’s home gives that child the opportunity to process the information and learn something from it.

Preschoolers are the masters of distraction and can generally pick themselves up and move on to another activity without too much struggle.  The good news is that they can move on.  The bad news is that they might not learn from the incident.

Practicing at home means less stress and more time to focus on specific skills.

Four key areas of preschool social skill development to focus on include:

Sharing

Cooperation

Empathy

Problem solving

Play is the natural learning style for children in this age group, so get creative and make it fun.  Below are a few tips to help you get your child preschool ready:

1.   Teach physical boundaries:  There are two kinds of preschoolers:  Those who crave tactile input, and those who don’t.  Some kids just love to hug, hold hands, and walk close to others (Riley).  Some would rather have their own space.  Make sure your child knows what it means to give someone space.  Cardboard boxes:  Take a few packing boxes and line them up.  Have one child sit in each box.  Help them describe what it feels like physically in terms of space between each child (ex:  I’m next to Riley and I can see her, but our legs aren’t touching).  Twister:  Yes, I mean the old game that we all loved as kids.  Leave out the left and rights, but otherwise play a game of Twister with your child.  Describe how it feels when you get tangled up.  Ask him to do the same.  Discuss how you can each get more space (ex:  we can trade hand spots) to feel more comfortable.

2.   Teach listening skills:  It’s not that preschoolers don’t want to listen; it’s just that they are busy doing other things.  Riley is the queen of zoning out when she’s playing quietly.  She truly hears nothing around her.  Look, Listen, Respond:  Cue your child to make eye contact with you when you are talking, point to your ears to remind your child to listen, and cue your child again when it is his turn to respond.  Repeat often.  Count to 3:  Preschoolers love to get their thoughts out immediately.  You should hear our dinner conversations (or not).  Teach your child to count to three (silently) by taking three very deep breaths while another person is talking.

3.   Teach sharing & cooperation:  Preschoolers love to engage in fantasy play together.  The dress up corner tends to be a popular place.  The problem is that they don’t always love to share, nor do they love to take direction from another kid.  Cooperative Play Doh:  Get out a few different colors of Play Doh (depending on how many kids you have) and give each person one color.  Decide what animal you want to make by taking a vote.  Go around in a circle allowing each person to add to the animal when it’s his turn.  No one is allowed to move or change another person’s contribution.  Build an animal together!  Joint Story Telling:  This is one of Riley’s favorites.  Start telling a story (ex:  “One day a frog hopped into the house”).  Let each person involved say one line at a time. Watch the story develop and enjoy the laughter!  Warning:  They might never stop.  Draw it together:  Similar to the story telling, but perhaps a little more calming.  Find a large piece of paper (big enough for sharing) and draw a picture together.  Decide who will draw what and which colors should be used.  Hint:  Beaches and gardens are fun and easy for kids this age.  Sometimes I draw the castles and Riley draws the princesses and surrounding gardens.

4.   Teach problem solving:  Preschoolers get into small squabbles over small stuff, but it feels huge to them at the time.  Become a problem solving coach.  If you always solve the problem for your child it’s hard for your child to learn the necessary skills to problem solve independently.  Start by asking a specific question.  “What’s the problem?” requires your child to stop what he’s doing and identify the actual problem.  Emotions can run high in a preschool setting; often the problem is more the reaction to (or feelings surrounding) the initial problem.  Restate the problem as identified by your child.  Restating it helps your child remain focused on the trigger, not the feelings.  Brainstorm together.  Ask your child to help you think of three possible solutions and choose the best one.

5.   Teach empathy:  I often have other moms comment on the empathy that my kids display, followed by, “how did you do it?”  While I do smile when Riley stops to help a ladybug cross the sidewalk and feel proud when both of my kids try to help others when they are sad, there is no one strategy that made them this way (and believe me…they have their moments).  Modeling empathic responses is the best way to teach your kids how to be empathic.  We probably go overboard with the hugs and kisses after a fall and we are always focusing on feelings (ex:  “I know you’re frustrated Liam.  I understand.  I felt that way when I couldn’t watch TV when I was a little guy too”).  This goes on in response to any feelings (happy, sad, frustrated, worried, etc.) that we might encounter throughout the day.  To some, it probably seems excessive.  But for us, it just feels right.  While they certainly have their sibling moments and Liam can throw a huge tantrum on a moment’s notice, we also have two little kids who look out for the welfare of each other, other kids, animals, and even insects, and they don’t resort to aggression.  Bottom line:  Going overboard on empathy never hurts.

6.   Play school:  The best way to prepare for the upcoming onslaught of social interaction is to pretend it’s happening now.  Riley loves to play school.  We have a very small schoolhouse with a teacher, a desk, a student, and a playground, but you can easily make your own.  Set up a little school and start playing.  Hint:  Break up your pretend school day to mirror your child’s real school day (circle time, outside play, snack, art, singing, etc.).  Throw in a few sharing issues and differences of opinion to help work on problem solving.  Allow your child to be the teacher (if he wants) for a while.  This will give him a sense of control and make school feel less threatening.

Social skills are a work in progress, and the best place to start working on them is at home.  Make it fun and repeat daily.  Your little one will be making friends in no time!  Happy back to school!

How do you teach social skills?