End Bullying Now

13 million kids will be bullied this year.

Was that loud enough for you?

13 million.

It could be one of yours…

Sean and I finally found some time to see Bully yesterday.  If you haven’t seen it yet, you need to.  Right away.

Yes, we (as in both of us) sobbed from the opening credits to the bitter end.  Yes, we felt overwhelmed, a bit lost, and completely exhausted for the rest of the night.  But I am so glad that we saw that movie together…because the only way to make a difference is to be involved.

 

Even if it’s difficult, emotionally exhausting, and terrifying to face.

 

You will see parents mourning the loss of their children to suicide.  You will see children repeatedly targeted and tortured (both physically and emotionally), you will see entire communities of people just standing by, and you will see parents telling their kids to just handle it, to just fight back and put an end to it.  It will break your heart.  But you need to see it.

 

Because looking the other way is no longer an option…

 

What is bullying?

  • Deliberate intent to harm others using physical aggression, verbal abuse, social isolation, and or/technology (cyber-bullying)
  • A clear imbalance of power
  • Often involves repetition (same target)

 

What are the signs of a child being bullied?

(Signs may vary…look for marked changes in demeanor and behavior)

  • Social isolation
  • Changes in appetite
  • Changes in sleep habits
  • School refusal
  • Nervous behaviors (nail biting, hair pulling, etc.)
  • Withdrawal from family

 

A Facebook friend recently posed the following question:  Do you teach your kids to fight back?

I teach my kids to use their kind words to stand up for themselves, each other, their friends, and their beliefs.  I teach them to seek help from an adult.  I do not teach them to fight back with aggression or angry words…

Because bullying doesn’t beat bullying. 

 

You can make a difference.  Teaching our children the power of kindness, empathy, positive interactions, and helping others starts at home.

Below are some tips to help you do your part to stand up against bullying:

1.    Teach kindness and empathy:  Bullying is a learned behavior.  Just as kindness and consideration start at home, so does bullying.  Teach your children to care about others, to imagine how it must feel to be teased or targeted, to reach out to others, and to meet a smile with a smile.  Teach them that all people are valuable and important.  If it sounds simple, that’s because it is.

2.    Define bullying:  My five year old knows the meaning of bullying.  She knows the difference between a sibling squabble and knowingly hurting another with words and aggression.  She knows how to get help and how to recognize a bully.  She knows the word bully.  Use the word bully.  Define the acts of bully.  Teach them how to get help.  Provide specific examples.  When 13 million kids are at risk of being bullied, it’s never too early to teach our children.

3.    Set clear limits:  It’s time to take a stand against “boys will be boys”, “kids fight”, and “siblings don’t always get along”.  Do not allow teasing of any kind in your home.  When teasing happens, there should be clear consequences and apologies.  Do not allow aggression and harmful comments.  You can set the stage for positive interactions.  Do it.

4.    Model/Get help:  Kids learn the power of the positive and the power of the negative from watching their parents.  Many bullies have been bullied at home.  Rely on clear expectations and consistency.  Stop yelling; avoid sarcasm and emotionally fueled commentary, and DON’T EVER HIT.  Get help so that you can model healthy interactions, acceptance, and empathy.  Make your home a positive place to learn and grow.

5.    Listen and help:  Kids are more likely to report bullying to peers instead of parents.  They might feel humiliated and ashamed or fear that their parents won’t help.  More often than not, victims are not able to fight back or “take care of it”.  They are being targeted for a reason.  Keep an open line of communication with your kids, be involved with the school, and be the voice of your child.  Listen to what they are saying and provide support, empathy, and help.

6.    Teach acceptance:  We are all different.  There is no room for hatred in this world.  Teach your children to accept and learn from others.  Teach them to give others a chance.  Isn’t that what you want other parents to teach their kids?

 

See the movie.  Teach your children to be kind, loyal, and empathic.  Take a stand against bullying.  Let’s all work together to raise a generation of kind and accepting individuals.  Let’s all work together to end bullying now.

Our children deserve better…

 

Other ways to take a stand:

Stand For The Silent

Stop Bullying: Speak Up

The Bully Project

 

How will you take a stand?

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About Katie

Katie Hurley is a Child, Adolescent, and Family Psychotherapist and Parenting Expert in Los Angeles, CA. She works in private practice in the South Bay area of Los Angeles, writes for PBS Parents, Washington Post Parents, and the Huffington Post. She is the author of "The Happy Kid Handbook: How to Raise Joyful Children in a Stressful World" (Tarcher/Penguin, 2015) and the forthcoming "No More Mean Girls: The Secret to Raising Strong, Confident, and Compassionate Girls" (Penguin Random House, 2018)