There are some parenting topics that are very difficult to address. Melissa is back this week with some startling information and helpful tips about talking to kids about predators. I hope you will take the time to read and digest this very important information. Thanks, Melissa.
This week in my town there was an incident that scared the daylights out of parents of school-aged children. Police alerted the community to what was believed to be an attempted abduction of a seven-year-old girl who was riding her bike home from school. It was the type of scenario we all dread and fear: man grabs the girl and tells her to put her bike in the trunk of his car. Thankfully, she sped away and told the parent at home, who called the police. A day later, it was reported that it was actually a case of mistaken identity, not attempted abduction. An older grandfather whose eyesight is failing thought he was addressing his granddaughter, whom he was supposed to pick up on that particular day.
While parents across our district breathed a sigh of relief and the police department shook off their embarrassment for sounding the high alarm, others, like my husband and I, took it as an opportunity to refresh our family’s protection plan and talk to our kids—again—about “stranger danger” and safe touching.
You may wonder, won’t that just scare my kids? Isn’t it my job to protect them and not alarm them about dangers that are not likely to happen, if I keep close watch? Wrong. While this was a case—albeit, a mistaken one—of abduction, which is less common, sexual abuse of children is a very frightening and common reality with serious consequences. Like stranger danger, it should be discussed with children even before they attend grade school and reviewed on a regular basis.
If you think the possibility of a man trying to grab your child on her way home from school is alarming, listen to these facts about sexual abuse:
- Child sexual abuse is the use of a child for sexual purposes by an adult or older, more powerful person, including an older child. It is a crime in all 50 states (Committee for Children).
- Studies suggest that about 1 out of every 5 American women and 1 out of every 10–20 American men experienced some form of sexual abuse when they were young (Committee for Children).
- An estimated 180,500 children in the United States were sexually abused in 2005-2006 (Sedlak et al., 2010).
- Most sexual abuse is perpetrated by someone the child knows and trusts. Snyder (2000) found that nine out of ten children who have been sexually assaulted know their attacker.
- The offender often uses a position of power to take advantage of a child, usually developing a relationship before any sexual abuse takes place as part of a process known as “victim grooming.”
- Young children are at the greatest risk. Studies show that one third to one half of victims are under age 7 when the abuse begins.
- Sexual abuse occurs in children from every culture, walk of life, and socioeconomic status. Boy or girl, no one is exempt from the risk.
- Children are not likely to reveal that abuse is taking place. Studies show that only 2-4 of every 10 victims will tell an adult at the time of the incident, and even fewer will tell the authorities.
Scared? You should be. Our children are vulnerable, but there are ways for parents to prevent possible victimization.
- From an early age, allow your child to say no to hugs or other affection, even from family members. Children should be encouraged to maintain physical boundaries that feel comfortable to them.
- Talk to your child about safe touching versus unsafe and unwanted touching.
- Be sure your child understands proper names for their private parts, and that no one other than a parent (for a young child, for cleaning purposes), or a physician may ever touch them there.
- Teach your child that while it is important to obey adults, particularly parents and teachers, they do not have to obey adults if an adult attempts to break safe touching rules, or otherwise entice the child to act outside of family rules or expectations.
- Be open to answering questions your child may have, and do not hesitate to review the topic from time to time, particularly surrounding events such as the one which took place in our community.
For more information about how to talk to your child about safe touching, visit the website of the Committee for Children, at http://www.cfchildren.org/advocacy/child-safety.aspx