“You cannot escape the responsibility of tomorrow by evading it today.”

-Abraham Lincoln 

The moment you bring a child into the world, you enter a social contract of sorts.  A mom contract, really.

You agree to love and nurture that child.  You agree that, to the best of your ability, you will teach right from wrong and help that child grow into an independent and responsible adult.

You agree to accept responsibility for that child along the way, because that child is yours.  Your choices, behaviors, and attitudes will shape that child as he grows.

But you also enter a village of parents.  The cliché is old and well worn for good reason.  It truly does take a village to raise a child.  And, as responsible parents, we all have the opportunity to pitch in and help out when another parent needs a hand.

We don’t, of course, sign any such contract or truly agree to any such terms upon leaving the hospital with our tiny, helpless, bundles of joy.  But wouldn’t it be great if we did?  Figuratively speaking, naturally. Let’s face it; leaving the hospital requires enough paperwork as it is.

But wouldn’t it be nice of we were all on the same page with this parenting thing?

Please stop by moonfrye to continue reading The Mom Contract…

Who do you call when your two-year-old just won’t stop screaming about his pure dislike of carrots?  A mom friend.  Who do you call when, in a moment of complete panic, you’re just sure that you’ve screwed up your child for life by sending her to school in tears?  A mom friend.  And who do you call when your child spikes a super high fever at 10pm?  A doctor?  No, you call a mom friend.  Because mom friends know stuff.

There is nothing even remotely easy about this parenting gig, and having a group of mom friends to help you through the ups and downs is essential to your survival.  Moms give you the real input you crave.  They don’t sugarcoat every little stage and pretend that parenthood is simple.  Real mom friends don’t, anyway.

Real mom friends warn you about everything from explosive diapers to tweens who want to dress like inappropriate pop stars.  They don’t pretend that their kids eat super healthy meals three times a day – they cheer when you admit that a pile of jelly beans is what finally got the broccoli down.  They share their tips and tricks and listen intently to yours and they always have your back.

Mom friends rock.

I was really excited when Circle of Moms (one of my favorite online mom communities) asked me to check out their new Circle of Moms video series in partnership with Kia.  I got to watch the latest video from Circle of Moms by POPSUGAR ( have I mentioned how much I love the great people at POPSUGAR?), that stars one of my new mom friends, Diane Mizota, alongside Tia Mowry, Lizzie Bermudez, and fellow psychotherapist Stacy Kaiser.

This episode begins with one of my favorite parenting topics – talking to kids about obesity and healthy eating.  It can be hard to talk about taboo topics with kids, but with childhood obesity rates at an all-time high, we need to break down those walls and be honest with our kids.  And as Stacy points out, we need to teach the importance of moderation.

As the Tia drove the other mom friends around town in the all new 2014 Kia Sorrento, they chatted about planning the perfect birthday party.  It was fun to watch them compare notes and refreshing to see that Tia is all about going all out for kid parties while Diane prefers a more laid back less-is-more approach to party planning.  Watching them chat made me feel right at home – the truth is that we’re all different, but we can still meet in the middle and talk all things mom.

The ladies wrapped up this episode with some tips for helping an oldest child adjust to a new sibling.  Getting used to a new baby is no easy task for older children, and I love that Stacy focused on the importance of creating special time.  Even big kids need their small moments with their moms!

Check out the episode below!  And can I just say?  Diane – you are perfection, as always.  And Stacy – your parenting advice is spot on.  I love this new series from POPSUGAR and Kia and I can’t wait to watch more.  Go ahead mamas, steal a few minutes with these mom friends.  You won’t be disappointed!

Disclosure: This post was sponsored by Kia through their partnership with Circle of Moms. While I was compensated to review the Kia Motors video and write a review, all opinions are my own.

Mother’s Day is almost here…

Please head on over to moonfrye to read about mothers and daughters.

I love the idea of the toaster oven.  No more shoving an oversized bagel into a traditional toaster only to have it pop up two minutes later – not looking toasted at all.  I love that you can reheat food in them without use of the microwave (because what  is that doing to us?).  I love that toaster ovens are quick and convenient for busy families.

When they function properly.  My mom has a theory about toaster ovens.  She’s fairly certain that a toaster oven, no matter the brand, is only good for three years at the most.  The day after that warranty expires…the toaster oven is toast.  I tend to agree.  I’ve tried them all.  From the traditional doesn’t do much other than toast toaster oven to the fancy allegedly roasts a chicken convection oven (no way).  They’ve all lasted 2-3 years and have proved a disappointment (to my kitchen and my wallet).

What all of the obsessive talk about toaster ovens?

Frigidaire recently launched a new line of professional small appliances at Target and, wow, I am impressed.  As you know, I love to cook and bake.  With the food allergies running through this little family of four, I make everything, and I do mean everything, from scratch.  I rely on appliances that work.

Frigidaire sent me a a few items from this new line to try out in my very busy kitchen.  The Infrared Convection Oven (available at Target for $149.99), is amazing.  As advertised, it cooks everything to perfection the first time around.  It’s big enough for a 12 inch pizza and does not require any preheating time.  I am in LOVE.

They also sent me the Professional 5-in-1 Griddle (available at Target for $129.99), which is all kinds of awesome.  I love the extra large cooking space, and the separate temperature controls make is super easy to cook two different things at once (bacon and eggs, anyone?).  I don’t know about you, but I have two bacon lovers in my house and this is the perfect tool for cooking crispy bacon.

For the smoothie lovers (or margarita, either way) out there, this new line at Target also features the 5-Speed Glass Jar Blender (available at Target for $129.99).  I know that the right blender can truly make a difference when whipping up that morning smoothie, and this one looks great.  Also?  It’s actually very pretty – no need to hide this one when you have friends over!

In addition to these wonderful products, the people at Frigidaire are really nice (and clearly very generous).  I love it when companies make themselves available to help and genuinely want customers to feel not just satisfied, but happy.

And because they are so generous…they also offered to gift one of these new professional small appliances to a friend of mine.  It won’t be long before my sister finds this incredible Thermal Carafe Coffee Maker (available at Target for $99.99) at her door!  Who doesn’t love a morning cup of coffee brewed to perfection and kept nice and warm in the carafe?  Trick question.  Everybody loves that.

But the generosity doesn’t stop there.  Are you ready for it?

Firigidaire wants to give one of these professional small kitchen appliances to one of you!  One lucky reader will get to choose from one of the four appliances mentioned (shown below).  How’s that for a little Mother’s Day treat?

As you know, I don’t do a lot of product placement around here.  You guys read my words and seek my advice, and I never wanted to clog this feed with items that wouldn’t be of use to you.  But busy mamas need great cooking appliances, and these professional small kitchen appliances are both reasonably priced at Target (you know you’re going there this week, anyway) and fantastic.  Honestly?  I can’t say enough good things about my experience with Frigidaire – products and company.

How do you win?

It’s simple (you know how I loathe complicated).  Leave me a comment below and tell me how your product of choice will simplify your cooking routine.  Make sure that I have your email address so that I can track you down if you’re the lucky winner!

Contest is open until May 14th at 8pm PST.  Spread the word and get your entry in!

Contest is open to U.S. residents only.

Disclosure:  Frigidaire sent me the Convection Oven and the 5-in-1 Griddle to try in my kitchen.  They also sent the Thermal Carafe Coffee Maker to my sister as a gift.  All of the opinions in the post are my own.  I’m telling you…I am in love with that Convection Oven!

If there’s one thing that drives me just a little bit nuts, it’s when I hear people say, “We just have to accept people for their differences.”

Acceptance isn’t necessarily a good thing.  Acceptance sometimes implies that you might really want to change something but can’t so you just give up and accept your fate.

That’s not much of a life lesson for kids.

I truly believe that we need to teach kids to embrace differences.  We need to find the positive and highlight it.  We need to show them that different is amazing.

My husband is different.  He always was.  And that difference is everything.  I wrote about him on moonfrye today…please stop by and let me know what you think about raising different.

In a perfect world, bedtime always goes according to plan.  The kids breeze through their routines without much redirection, the clothes for the next morning are chosen with care, and the calming stories are read to sleepy children who drift off to sleep the minute the last word is read.  Requests for water, hugs, or songs?  No way.

Cut to the real world.

We all know that the days might feel long at times, but they are actually very short.  Some days the transition from dinnertime to bedtime seems to happen in an instant.  When time escapes us, stress creeps in.  And there is nothing worse than bedtime stress (when it comes to parenting, anyway).

Kids pick up on parental stress.  If we are racing around barking out orders as we attempt to get through the bedtime routine, chances are the kids will have difficulty falling and staying asleep.

We have to focus on keeping the nighttime routine calm and nurturing so that our kids can avoid excess stress before bedtime.

Keep it simple:

There are always endless tasks to complete as the day comes to an end.  Backpacks need to be packed with homework, permission slips, and various other essentials.  Lunch boxes need to be cleaned an prepped.  And, for some kids, clothes need to be chosen.

Try to simplify the process as much as possible.  Yes, we all want our kids to be independent and responsible.  We want them to be able to do everything they need to do without countless reminders.

Here’s the thing:  Kids get tired.  They drag at night because they are done.  They won’t admit to it – no way.  But they are tired.  Give them the tasks you can count on them to complete and take on the tasks that you know will end in a battle of wills.  There is no room for power struggles when it comes to the nighttime routine.

Rely on time:

You know your kids.  You know when they will stall, what they will ask for, and how long it actually takes to get them from the family room to the bath tub.  Pay attention to time.

Start the routine 15 minutes before you really need to in order to account for twenty questions and that toys that need to be located right this second.  Consider using a timer on your phone so that you’re not staring at the clock stressing about each passing moment.

The truth is that time flies when you’re trying to get things done.  Keep an eye on it and try to troubleshoot the obstacles in advance.

Embrace the silly hour:

While most people refer to that special time of the evening as “the witching hour” or something similar, I prefer to think of it as the silly hour.  I wouldn’t say that my kids get cranky at that time of the night but, wow, all bets are off come 6pm.

Embrace it.  Get silly with them.  When we all parade upstairs together, we get to the next step a lot faster than when I attempt to keep them on task.  Sometimes they just need to get the silly out at the end of the day.  Dance party, anyone?

Use visuals:

A simple checklist with visual cues taped to each bedroom door helps kids stay on task.  Kids like visuals.  They also like to complete checklists.  Take advantage of that and create a little organized list for each kid.  Again, err on the side of simplicity so that success is within reach.

Choose TV shows carefully:

I know, I know, no TV before bed.

Back to reality.  Sometimes a little time to decompress with a favorite show in the middle of the routine helps calm a stressed out mind.  A recent study actually showed that adults tend to choose familiar comforting shows late night (Friends, old friends?) because these shows can help replenish feelings of self-control.  If you plan to allow a little TV time anyway, why not take that into consideration when choosing a show for your kids?

The advantage of shows like Curious George and Olivia is that they are calming and include mini-episodes.  You can watch ten minutes of a show to help calm things down a bit and then move onto coloring, reading, and other calming activities.

Plan on talk time:

Most kids crave time to decompress with a parent before the lights go out.  While Liam likes to discuss the day and plan for the next one, Riley prefers that I tell her a relaxing story and help her think about positive dreams for the night.

Plan 5-10 minutes per child to just sit and talk.  This is your time to really check in with your child and help ease her worries before she drifts off to sleep.

Breathe:

Kids fight bedtime for a variety of reasons.  Some simply need less sleep or a later bedtime.  Some are finding their independence and testing limits.  Some fear the dark, experience separation anxiety, or worry about nightmares.

Remember to breathe.  It can be frustrating to keep a calm demeanor when things don’t go according to plan, but calm is exactly what you need.

Problem-solve with your kids.  Consider asking them what might help – they tend to have very good ideas.  And, as always, model the behavior that you hope to instill in your children.

Sleep tight, moms (and dads)!  Tomorrow is another day…

Words can be powerful.

Words can make or break a day.

And words are not easily forgotten.

Please stop by moonfrye to read more about words of love.

I’ve had a number of moms stop by my little corner of blogosphere in the past.  They’ve shared their tips, their thoughts on parenting, their triumphs, and their struggles.  One thing that I truly love about blogging is the connections that are made.  We support each other, lift each other up, and talk about the ups and downs of this parenting gig.  I love when other moms stop by to add a new voice around here.

And today…I have a new voice for you.  Only this time, it’s not a mom.  This time, it’s a dad!  Dads can be very practical too, you know.  Dean teaches coaches communication skills through The Latimer Group and blogs for The Beacon Blog.  He is also the father a very cute and adventurous little boy and the husband of one of my old friends from high school.  I could swear the blogosphere keeps getting smaller and smaller.

Remember that Dove Real Beauty Sketches campaign that’s been making the rounds?  Of course you do.  It probably shows up in your Facebook feed at least twice a day.  Anyway, there have been a lot of reactions to that campaign.  Let’s just say that not everyone agrees with it.  I, for one, see the simplicity in it.  We don’t always see what other people see.  Dean had a similar reaction, and he’s here today to share his thoughts…

Do We See What Others See?

Yesterday, this video came across my radar screen, and it resonated loudly. It is an online commercial for a women’s consumer product company, and you’ve probably already seen it. The campaign is geared toward women and, sure, on some level, they are simply trying to sell more of their products. But this campaign spoke to me as a person, a man, a husband and a father. I may not be a candidate to purchase their products, but the message was still true and powerful.

Regardless of gender, so many of us see ourselves more negatively than others see us. So many of us suffer from a crisis of confidence. So many of us assume the negative about ourselves, that we are too something, or not enough of something else. Too big, too small, too this, too that.

There are a lot of ways to define things like good friendship, good parenting, and good husbanding. But the message in this video crystallized for me an important way to define being a “good” friend, spouse or parent. It’s important that we take the time to remind others in our lives that they are good at what they do, that they are valued, that they look good, are funny, and are appreciated in some way. Call a friend on their birthday, or when you hear they had a success or a failure. Give the unscripted, unexpected compliment.

As a husband and a father, my most important role is to give my wife and son daily love and affirmation that they are special. Emily is a confident woman, and with good reason. But we each need to be reminded – everyone has a moment when a little “pick me up” can make the difference between a good day and a mediocre one. And together, Emily and I will give our son the greatest gift if we can teach him to believe in himself, to ignore the judgment of others, and to like what he sees in the mirror. Everything else he does in life will be affected by the degree to which we accomplish that.

My point today is simple… many of us see ourselves more negatively than others see us. And as friends, spouses and parents, the greatest gift we can give to the ones we love is a reminder that what we see in each other is more special and beautiful than what we might see in ourselves.

What do you think?  Do you see what others see?

About Dean

I am the happy husband of Emily, the proud father of Zachary, and an entrepreneur, executive coach and keynote speaker. With the encouragement of Emily, I founded The Latimer Group 11 years ago, and I spend my work days coaching and training Fortune 500 executives on strategic communication skills. We help our clients communicate, speak and write as clearly and as persuasively as possible. You can learn more about me and my professional background at The Latimer Group.

For better or for worse, I believe in bringing my whole life into everything I do. I don’t compartmentalize my home life from my work life. When I work with my clients, I bring everything I am into that moment. And when I am home, I fully focus on my family, but I don’t hide or deny the realities of my work life. It all matters, and it all contributes to who I am and what I am feeling each morning when I wake up.

I’m looking forward to sharing some perspectives with you, and I’m equally excited to hear yours and learn from you.

Do you have a friend, who also happens to share your passion, who supports you in pretty much everything you do?  I don’t mean agrees with everything you say…I mean really, truly supports your dreams and wants to help you get there.

I do.

Yes, I have my private practice.  And I worked HARD to get there.  Like two jobs for many years hard.  Like all day at school followed by social skills groups followed by private clients hard.  I did that on my own.  I did it because I knew that when I finally started my family, I would need flexibility in order to stay home with my kids.  I needed the part time practice so that I could be the full time mom.  That was my goal and I reached it.

But then a funny thing happened.  Another goal, one that I had secretly thought about since the age of 7, started to emerge.  I wanted to write.  I wanted to put my thoughts on paper (or a screen, as the case may be) and put it out there for other people to see.  And so I started writing.

It was hard at first.  It felt like not many people were listening.  I wondered if I was on the right track.  But the ideas kept coming and I kept hitting publish and suddenly…people started to listen.  Two years after that first leap of faith, I was offered two different freelance positions.  Because people were listening.

My dreams, of course, don’t stop there.  And I hope to meet that other dream, the one that is a work in progress.  But this time I’m not doing it alone.  This time I have Jenny.

Jenny and I lean together.  We met on Twitter.  We bonded over coffee.  We text and talk and email and everything else somewhat obsessively, depending on the week.  Because we’re in it together.  We build each other up.  We talk each other through the hard days.  We talk a lot about writing, but we also support each other in our parenting, our marriages, and everything else that life has to offer.  Special bonus:  Our husbands are a great match.  That doesn’t always happen, you know.

Anyway, the point is that Jenny and I lean together.  And because of that, we are finding our way in this world of writing.  We are lifting each other up and providing unconditional support.  And that’s how it should be done.

So while the rest of the world is focused on leaning in…Jenny and I are leaning together – and I truly hope you’ll join us.

Please stop by HuffPost Women to read more about leaning together.

“There is more good than bad in this world,

More light than darkness,

And YOU can make more light.” – Peter H. Reynolds

We need more light in this world.  Please stop by moonfrye and Make More Light.

And please, pretty please, share the light.

We just need more light.