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Embracing Differences

By on May 2, 2013

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If there’s one thing that drives me just a little bit nuts, it’s when I hear people say, “We just have to accept people for their differences.”

Acceptance isn’t necessarily a good thing.  Acceptance sometimes implies that you might really want to change something but can’t so you just give up and accept your fate.

That’s not much of a life lesson for kids.

I truly believe that we need to teach kids to embrace differences.  We need to find the positive and highlight it.  We need to show them that different is amazing.

My husband is different.  He always was.  And that difference is everything.  I wrote about him on moonfrye today…please stop by and let me know what you think about raising different.

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Share the Light

By on April 18, 2013

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“There is more good than bad in this world,

More light than darkness,

And YOU can make more light.” – Peter H. Reynolds

 

We need more light in this world.  Please stop by moonfrye and Make More Light.

And please, pretty please, share the light.

We just need more light.

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Filed Under: Moonfrye

Transitions

By on April 13, 2013

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Transitions can be hard.

Little things seem enormous when the babies that once slept peacefully on your shoulder grow and change right before your very eyes.

And forget about the mom guilt.  It doesn’t matter if you work full time, part time, or stay at home.  I’ve spent the past six years making sure that I didn’t miss a beat (even while I worked part time), and still the little changes feel large and life changing.

Kids grow.  They learn, laugh, play, and cry…and all the while they grow up.  As much as we might want to freeze time or screenshot every moment, they just keep moving forward.

It’s exciting and fun and fills you with pride, but is also brings tears and longing.  Because the truth is that each little milestone is a big step toward independence.  And while we might take pride in each moment, big and small, we also know that they are separating.  They are doing what we helped them to do, and yet we want them to stay by our sides.

It’s up and down, this parenting gig.  Highs and lows are everywhere – and the feelings are simply overwhelming.  Rolling waves on the mighty Pacific have nothing on the give and take of letting go and moving forward when what you really want to do is hold them close forever and ever.

But…we have to let go.  In tiny steps, with tears hidden beneath smiles, we have to let go.

This week on moonfrye – Liam made a big change.  He handled just as I knew he would – with ease and comfort.  I, however, am still a work in progress.

And don’t even get me started on Riley’s loose tooth…I am so not ready for big teeth, my friends.

See you at moonfrye!

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The big picture

By on March 22, 2013

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We live in a culture of violence.  You can sugarcoat all you want, but the truth is that violence prevails in this country.

It starts with teasing.  It escalates to bullying.  And it ends with assault weapons and lost lives.

As parents, we try to protect out little ones.  We do our best to keep them safe from the dark side.  Sadly, we can’t control what goes on around us.  And we never know what might happen.

It’s time for a revolution.  At home.  In the schools.  And, for the love of life, within the walls of our government.  It’s time to break the cycle of violence, and we need to work together to do it.

Please stop by The Huffington Post to read more about why I think acceptance is a bad word and why we need to raise better kids.

It’s Big Picture Parenting on HuffPost Parents.

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Facebook Perfect on HuffPost

By on March 1, 2013

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I’ve read several posts and status updates over the past few weeks that reference parents engaging in “Fakebooking”.  Fakebooking, if you’re new to the concept, seems to involve a misrepresentation – or only showcasing the very best parenting moments of the day.  You know, the perfect pictures of the siblings holding hands or the delicious cookies made from scratch – with three kids under 5.  Some moms think that it’s not real.  Real parenting involves explosive poop, screaming fits, and a recipe that didn’t work out quite right.

We all know that parenting is hard work.  And those days full of parenting fails happen.  That’s why I think it’s good to head to Facebook to get or give a virtual high five for a parenting win.  Does showcasing the good have to point toward bragging and competition?  Or could it simply be that moms like to get a little lift at the end of a long day of parenting?

I say focus on the positive.  I’m over at HuffPost Parents with more on “Facebook Perfect Parenting”.  Won’t you stop by and leave your thoughts?

See you there!

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Badly Behaved Parents on HuffPost Live

By on February 27, 2013

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If you have tweens or teens…you might want to check this one out!

Today on HuffPost Live – how much should you tell your kids about your past?  How honest is too honest?

This was a great chat – super fun and informative.  Check it out!

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The Parenting Microscope

By on February 22, 2013

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Do you ever feel like you’re being watched?  Like every parenting move you make is subject to evaluation by someone out there?  It might be another parent, it might be a family member, or it might even be a teacher.

Someone always seems to have an answer…even if you didn’t ask a question.

I hear this a lot from moms.  It’s overwhelming and a little bit stressful.  Sometimes you just want to do your thing without hearing about it or, worse, seeing the dreaded eye roll.

I’m proud to be back over at the Huffington Post today talking about this very issue.  When you get a chance…please stop by and read my latest over there, “Parenting Under a Microscope“.

See you there!

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No More Yelling on EverydayFamily

By on February 11, 2013

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Do you ever have one of those days when you feel like you just might lose it?  You know the kind…where everything seems to be going wrong and everyone needs you right this minute!

Or maybe you’ve been home with sick kids for two weeks straight and you just can’t think straight anymore.  Or maybe…you’ve been trapped because of a blizzard.

I’m no stranger to those days.  Those are the days when I head to the pantry for a minute to collect my thoughts so that I can stay calm.  Mommy time outs – they work.

Yelling happens.  It feels terrible and leaves parents feeling guilty, but it happens.  The could have’s and should have’s creep in and leave even the most confident parent longing for a do-over.

The good news is that you can make little changes that make a big difference.  Stop by EverydayFamily for a few tips on decreasing the yelling in your house.

See you there!

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Embracing the Ordinary

By on December 31, 2012

photo-135  This is what six years old looks like…

I sit by the edge of the bathtub, resting my chin on my arm as I watch them melt into complete relaxation following a day of play and curiosity.

Night after night we work our way through the same routine.

While Sweet Girl sings softly to herself, my Sweet Boy busies himself with his car wash.  Even as night falls, there is still work to do.

Steam rises from the warm water, creating the perfect place to draw with nothing but a fingertip.

Look, Mommy, I can draw a flower.  AND…I wrote my name.

She loves to draw, this sweet girl of mine.  Anytime.  Anywhere.

Look at that, Sweet Girl.  Art is everywhere.

She smiles for a moment as she meets my gaze, then quickly gets back to work.

You didn’t wash my hair, Mommy.  Did you forget?

I reach out to graze her cheek, lost in thoughts of gratitude and heartache.

No, Sweet Girl, I didn’t forget.  I just wanted to give you time to play.

No need to rush.  Not now.  Not ever.  Why was there ever a need to rush?

I’m ready to get out now, Mommy.

My sweet boy breaks my trance with thoughts of the ordinary.  He wants his routine.  He wants his schedule.  He wants pajamas, playtime, and a story.

And so we get back to our routine…

We make our way to my bed.  Bedtime nears, but there is still milk, Curious George, and a story or two left in our day.

Sweet Girl snuggles into me, the weight of entwined legs pushing her toward final relaxation, as I slowly comb her beautiful chestnut hair.  I fight back tears as I kiss her for each tangle.

I get to comb her hair tonight, I think to myself as the sound of their giggles brings me back to the present.

I get to snuggle them up, read their favorite Christmas books, and help them sink into an innocent slumber. 

Wrapped in warmth and love and heartache we read just a little bit extra.

And then we make our way to their bedrooms.

I rock my sweet boy and whisper his I love yous, holding him just a little too tight.  He relaxes into my arms and heaves the sigh of a day well lived.

Nothing in this world will ever be more important to me than you and Sweet Girl.  Remember that always, sweet baby boy.  You are my everything.

I know, Mommy.  I love you ten million times too.

With that, he snuggles into his bed before blowing me one last kiss.

Hold onto that kiss, Mommy.

My heart swells and hurts and threatens to burst.

I get to put my baby to bed…

Standing in the doorway, I watch my sweet girl for a moment or two as she colors with intensity on her bed.

I don’t worry when I color.  It relaxes me.

Barely six years old, and she already knows how to cope.

Hey Sweet Girl, it’s time. 

I know, Mommy.  Just one more thing; ok?

No need to rush.  Not now.  Not ever.  Why was there ever a need to rush?

I dim the lights, lie beside her bed, reach up for her hand, and tell her a relaxing story.  Together we fall off into a world of dreams.

I sit and watch her breathe just a little bit more before quietly making my way to the hallway.

I get to put my big girl to bed…

I get to hold her hand…

My heart races as I close the door, leaving it open just a crack.

In a fog, I find my way back to my room and collapse on my bed as the sobs finally escape.

I cry for the parents, who have empty beds and broken hearts.

I cry for the siblings, who lost a best friend.

I cry for the elves that won’t be found and the candles that won’t be lit.

I cry for the hearts that will never be healed.

And I cry for the little faces that lived out their final moments in fear…

I get to put my babies to bed.  I get to hold them tight.  I get to bathe them, put them in pajamas, comb their hair, and read their stories.  I get to do the ordinary.

With hiccups and sobs and prayers and anger I beg for a different outcome.  I cry out to start the day again and bring those families back together.

Hours later, as I finally accept defeat, I allow myself to move the elf.  With hands shaking and tears pouring from my exhausted eyes, I go about doing the ordinary.

In the morning, the kids will climb into our bed, chitchat with us as we wake, and then race off to find Elfie.  They will inhale pumpkin waffles, engage us in play, and ask to read 17 stories.

And my husband and I will link hands, memorize these moments, and simply embrace the ordinary.

Because we can.  And…because we should.

Sending love and prayers and tears and heartache to Connecticut.  May you one day find some version of ordinary again.

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1

A Little Bit Me First

By on December 13, 2012

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I have a confession to make:  I don’t like going to the dentist.

 

I know, I know, no one likes going to the dentist.  But I really don’t like it.  I avoid it at all costs.  I think about it often.  I know that the more I put it off, the worse it will be.  Thinking about how bad it might be causes my heart to race.  So I take a few deep breaths and think about sunsets on the ocean, because that keeps the intrusive thoughts away.

 

And then I continue to put my head in the sand and avoid the dentist.

 

But you can only avoid the dentist for so long.  You have to take care of yourself.  You have to show your children that taking care of your body is important.  You have to prioritize you sometimes.

 

So, the other day, I went to the dentist.

 

I was convinced that she would tell me that I needed 20 root canals and 5 caps.  Minimum.  That’s how long it had been.  I was prepared to shout, “Sedate me, please!”

 

But, I had to do it.  So I put on my brave face and entered the office with as much calm as I could possibly muster.

 

And you know what?  It wasn’t so bad.

 

I sat back on a very comfortable recliner and watched the news.  Sure, there were x-rays, there was poking, and my lips were stretched farther than I ever thought possible.  But it was actually (dare I say it?) kind of relaxing.

 

I stopped worrying about my prognosis the minute I entered the office.  For better or for worse, I was there.  All I could do was wait and see.

 

And for the first time in a long time, I prioritized my own health.  There’s something soul soothing about that, even if prioritizing me means sharp objects in my mouth.

 

And?  The prognosis was good.  No root canals.  No caps.  No big deal.

 

I walked out of there with a fresh clean smile and some pep in my step.  Who knew that a dental visit would provide such a boost to my self-esteem?  Not me, that’s for sure.

 

But the more I thought about it, the more that it made perfect sense…

 

Please stop by Mommy Moment to continue reading this post.

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